The day we forgot our baby in the car

Due to the recent controversy in the news as well as such harsh comments, I feel like I need to share my story.    I do understand that the man who left his child in the car on purpose was bad.  Really bad.  It was wrong, horrible, and definitely not something I can fathom.  But for the one person who meant to do it, there are hundreds who did not.  It’s that time of year. Bad things happen to good people, and let me make one thing clear… no matter how much you say that you could never forget – there is a possibility that it can happen to you.

A little preface to this story.  We are what many would call attachment parents.  We co-sleep, babywear, offer extended breastfeeding, cloth diaper, la la la.

It was just about this time two years ago.  A very, very hot June day.  We had already been to vacation in South Padre and back, and we had just closed on our new house.

Jett was about 8.5 months old at the time, and he was exclusively breastfed.  We had recently found a pretty cool sippy cup that we decided to put water in to see if he would drink out of it, and for some reason, that day, he took to it and started drinking quite a bit of water.

We were in layover mode living with my parents until our house was   ready to move in.

My inlaws came from about an hour and a half away to walk through our new house, and we were so excited about finishing with the renovations, showing them, and just seeing the house in general – without the realtor.

We had a minivan at the time, and Jett was rear-facing in a Britax.  He had been fed before we left, so he fell asleep in the car. The other kiddos stayed back at my parents’ house. On the way to the house (which was a 5 minute drive), Andy and I talked about plans for the house, how excited we were, ripping out the old deck, the color of the walls, what we were going to eat for lunch, what his mom would think about the place… typical excitement.

 

The temperature was running anywhere from 100 to 105 degrees at the time (I only know because a thermometer pic just popped up on my Timehop  yesterday or the day before for 107 degrees).  When we arrived, they were already there, so we both jumped out of the van, greeted them, and made our way inside.

We didn’t have electricity or anything at the house at the time, so it was really, really hot in the house as well.

We walked through the entire house, looking at every door, every closet, every outlet, window, nook, cranny, and we even talked about what we’d put where and how we’d decorate.  I can’t be fore sure how much time went by.  I’m assuming anywhere from 15-25 minutes, but we made our way back to the living room, and we were standing around talking about the floors and how we’d set up the TV, when out of nowhere, I felt like I was missing something.

I looked around for a second, and the it hit me.  THE BABY.

I turned to Andy and a little panicky asked “Where’s Jett?”

Now, when I say a little panicky, that’s because he wasn’t with me, but in that split second that my mind was trying to rationalize the situation, three scenarios went through my mind.

1. We left him with my parents.
2. Andy was holding him.
3. We left him in the van.

My inlaws just thought that we left him with my parents.  They had no idea he was in the car.

As it dawned on us that both of us thought the other was getting him out of the van, we all four darted out to the van.

Not really knowing how long we’d been inside and being VERY aware of how hot it was outside, that 10 seconds that it took to get out to the van was a nightmare.  I had 1 million thoughts in that time.  Will he be alive?  How long does it take for a baby to die in a hot car?  God please let him still be alive. How much pain is he in?  How hot must it be in the van? Will he be breathing? God please comfort him.  What does he think about his parents?  This is possible the worst thing we could have ever done. How am I going to live with myself?  And most of all…  How did we forget?!

We have four kids.  How does this happen to us?

When we opened the door, he was hot to the touch, sweaty, and his face and body were red.  He barely opened his eyes and let out a whimper, barely moving.  I unbuckled him, so thankful that he was still breathing.  So thankful.

Andy immediately turned the van on to start up the A/C, because there was nowhere to go cool off, and I immediately nursed him.  After about 5 minutes, his breathing was normal again, and after about 10 minutes he was cooled off and a little tired, but almost back to normal.

 

Thankfully, this horrible, horrible accident did not end in a tragedy for us.  We know that God was looking out for him, and I’m convinced that giving him that cup of water helped keep him for going into a full out heat stroke during that time.  God knew what he was doing, because grabbing it on the way out was just an afterthought, because I knew how hot it was going to be at the house.

Emotions were crazy.  I felt sad.  I felt blessed.  I felt ashamed.  I felt incompetent.  I felt angry.  I felt inadequate.   I felt embarrassed.  I felt like a horrible mother.

One thing that I can say is that neither Andy nor I blamed each other for what happened.  Sure, he admitted that he assumed that I was getting him out, and I admitted that I assumed that he was getting him out.

Since that day, we’ve checked and double checked to make sure all of the kids are out of the car when we go in.  There are even times that the sitter has Jett or my parents are watching him while I go visit a client, and I catch myself double checking to make sure he’s not in there.  If he’s not with me in car, I always feel like I’m missing something.

I’m pretty sure this post will draw some kind of criticism, and I’m ok with that.  I need my story to be out there.  I need for people to know that it CAN happen to even the most attached parents.  It CAN happen to you.

I know that some of you just don’t understand how someone can forget their child (especially the fourth child!), and I even have some very close friends who have said some pretty harsh things recently, and in the past, about parents who leave their kids in the car.

 

It has taken me two years to tell my story.  I am the same person today that I was two years ago, and I’m the same person two years ago that I am today.  The only difference is that I am a little more aware of the details in life.

All I can do is pray that you understand that it only takes a second and a redirected thought to change you for the rest of your life.  Thankfully, mine has a happy ending.  Sadly, most cases like this don’t, and it’s ok to be upset, hurt, and sad for the baby and family. I can honestly say that I will never judge a parent harshly for truly accidentally leaving their baby in the car.  I hope you’ll think twice before you do, too.

Thank you for reading my story.  Please feel free to share.